Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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