Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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