I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
