You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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