how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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