I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
