Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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