guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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