never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize