Got a toothbrush?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
