Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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