apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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