Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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