p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
