We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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