worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
