He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
