I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
