my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
