Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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