Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
