The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize