Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
