girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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