i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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