Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
