Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We have started to decorate penises.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
