So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
