Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
