apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
