Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
