apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
