i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
