Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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