I should be sponsored by Trojan
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
