If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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