I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
