I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
