She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
