only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
