thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
