Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
