3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
