I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
