it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
