her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
