I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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