i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
