I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
