I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
