I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
