The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
