what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize