My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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