sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize