i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
