she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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