trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
4 words: hood of his car
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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