just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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