I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my sisters under your porch take her home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
be right there i have to get my cape
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
