Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
