Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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