Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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