What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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