my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
