you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had sex on a roof
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
