wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
